


She Is The Light

by forcesensitive



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Like, Possible smut, Spoilers, i'm thinking more bloodline obiwan or smth, like i want there to be a plot so, like later, mature themes later nonetheless, no doubt, slow build at the beginning, this is like an au where rey is definitely not related to luke or han
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 02:41:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5480210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forcesensitive/pseuds/forcesensitive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After months of training with Luke Skywalker, Rey is finally ready to return to the Resistance. She is immediately given the task of finding Kylo Ren, and she finds herself struggling to comprehend the odd feelings she has for the Knight of Ren.</p><p>i actually hate this lmao</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i'm trAsh (also this isn't edited yet so feel free to point out mistakes :) )

The cool metal of the _Millennium Falcon’s_ control panel was a comforting feeling for Rey. After spending months away from the beloved ship, being able to sit in the captain’s seat once more was the most comforted she could ever feel.

Training with Master Skywalker had been difficult and trying, pushing her in ways she didn’t know she could be pushed. But now she was rather fluent in the ways of the Force and had extreme capability with a lightsaber. Her resolve was even stronger than before, as was her will, and Master Luke told her that she would have made her parents proud. Whoever, and wherever, the hell they were.

Seeing Chewbacca was equally as comforting. When he and the Falcon had arrived once more on the surface of the desolate, water planet, Rey was more than happy. Yes, she enjoyed Master Skywalker’s company, but he could be very cryptic and somewhat irritating at times. Despite the excitement of training in the ways of the Force, she was ready for something new.

Her training had been drawn out longer simply because of an ever-present distraction in her mind. Kylo Ren. The young man had confused her immeasurably. He was a ruthless killer, killing his own father and many others, and had an absolutely horrific temper, but that wasn’t all that was to him. He was far more complex. Somehow, despite being a murderer, he still hesitated to hurt her (and even Finn). Somehow, despite terrible issues with his anger, he hadn’t lashed out when she called him out for being fearful. Somehow, he wanted to train her.

With thoughts of the complex boy who had been tempted by the Dark side distracting her often, her training in the Light side of the Force dragged on too long. Her focus would dwindle at the worst of times, and her resolve would falter at thoughts of him.

“Are you okay?” Her Wookie co-pilot questioned as gently he could in Shyriiwook.

Not even realizing that she had zoned out, Rey shook herself out of her strange daze and turned to face her friend. “Yes, yes,” she smiled. “Of course. I’m just going to miss Master Skywalker.” After a moment’s pause, she added, “Despite how irritating he can be.”

Chewbacca did a form of a laugh. “Han found him irritating too, but he was a great friend.”

“He is,” Rey replied, smiling faintly. “So. We should get back to the base, shouldn’t we? I’m sure General Organa will have plenty for us to do.”

Beginning to set the controls to hyperdrive, her companion released another faint roar, “More like plenty for _you_ to do.”

She rolled her eyes, laughing quietly. “Right, definitely more for me to do.”

As the ship lurched into hyperspace, Rey leaned back in her chair, closing her eyes and sighing softly. There were some days that the idea of simply travelling through the galaxy without a care in the world sounded like a perfect life, but she knew better. She was needed in the Resistance.

Chewbacca needed her, Finn needed her, even Leia did. If she were to just disappear like Luke had, she would be missed, and she’d feel guilty as hell. She had duties to uphold and responsibilities - especially now that she had more training with the Force.

After what only seemed like five minutes - but was more likely five hours - the _Falcon_ had entered D’Qar airspace. The familiar sense of homecoming filled Rey as the scenery of the planet entered her vision.

“I didn’t know you could miss somewhere you’ve only been twice.”

Upon reaching the ground, Rey gathered her wits about her, wrapping her cloak around her shoulders. “Guess I oughta say ‘hello’ to everyone, huh, Chewie?”

The Wookie nodded.

She opened the doors, squinting her eyes at the sudden inlet of sunlight. The first sight she set her eyes on was that of a large crowd. Both droids and other members of the Resistance were congregated outside the ship, talking in varying dialects and ranges of tone.

Every member of the crowd’s attention turned to the two figures exiting the Falcon, and Rey was instantly swarmed in greetings of all sorts. Slightly overwhelmed, but also slightly excited, she scanned the crowd of Resistance members for familiar faces until she finally managed to find one.

Finn.

“Finn!” the scavenger yelled excitedly, pushing her way through the crowd to reach her friend. “Finn,” she sighed, smiling brightly, wrapping her arms around the man in a tight embrace.  

Her friend smiled, returning her platonic affections. “Rey! It’s been awhile.”

“Seven months, one week, and two days, actually,” she quipped back, listing the exact amount of time from memory. “You’re looking better than when I last saw you.”

Beginning to lead her away from the crowd and towards the building, Finn nodded. “I sure hope so. Last you saw me, I was in a coma, so if I didn’t look better, those medical droids and I would be having words.” Rey was sure that Chewbacca was following them a little bit back, equally as grateful to escape the large crowd of curious people.

Seeing her friend had made her feel safer. Being on D’Qar now felt like less of a duty and more of a comfort, much like the _Falcon_ and Chewie.

After a little more friendly exchange, Finn left to talk to Poe, and Rey was left in the amiable yet serious company of General Organa.

“How was your training with Luke?” the older woman asked, completely putting whatever it was she had been doing on hold.

“Difficult,” Rey answered immediately. “And trying, but also amazing.”

Leia laughed, nodding, “That sounds like my brother. Do you feel more in control of your power?”

If Leia had been any other person, Rey would have felt too uncomfortable with the amount of questions she was being asked. But Leia was Leia, and had been practically like a mother to her in the short time they had known one another, and for that, Rey was thankful.

“I do,” she nodded. “I’m definitely nowhere near perfect, but I’m a thousand times more prepared for anything thrown at me than I was before I trained under Master Skywalker.”

“That’s good news!” The general smiled before she sighed slightly. “But with that, I have a favor to ask you, Rey.”

Slightly wary of what words would leave the other female next, Rey nodded slowly. “Of course, anything.”

“I don’t want you to think you’re being taken advantage of - because you definitely aren’t!” Leia began.

Well, _that’s_ comforting. Words like that _definitely_ made Rey excited to do whatever it was the general was asking.

 “Okay…”

The general released another, drawn out breath. “I need you to find my son.”

Rey wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but it wasn’t that. A tremor in the Force caused something on the other side of the room to fall, clattering loudly. “What?” she squeaked, swallowing her surprise as she tried to remain calm in the Force.

“Kylo Ren. I need you to find him… And to bring him home.”

 ****  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so like kylo doesn't come into the story until like chapter two or three, but trUst me, he will bc i'm trash and it's important to me. but i had to set up plot 'n' stuff so... in the meantime, you guys should love me and leave kudos and comments and love bc that'll motivate me to write more *hint hint*


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, this chapter is unedited, so feel free to point out errors !!

_“Kylo Ren?_ You want me to bring that _monster_ back here?”

Rey knew that Kylo Ren, or Ben by birth, was Leia and Han’s son, but she couldn’t believe Leia wanted him back after what he had done. He had murdered his _own father_. She couldn’t imagine ever doing something like that. Never really having a father of her own had shown her that even the slightest taste of any father figure was enough. Losing Han - that hurt her almost as much as it had hurt Leia, she was sure.

General Organa nodded her head slowly. “No matter what he did, Ben is still my son. I still want him to come home.”

“He killed Han!” Rey countered, shocked at the general’s words. Yes, he was her son, but he was a murderer nonetheless!

A sad, rather forlorn smile twisted the corners of the older woman’s lips. “He did,” she stated. “But no matter how dark he’s become, I know there’s still light in him.”

“You’ve said that a thousand times if you’ve said it once,” the scavenger responded, still slightly irate.

“That’s because it’s true,” Leia sighed. “Rey, look. I know Han meant a lot to you - he meant a lot to me too,  and that’s why  I need you to find my son.”

The younger girl’s features softened slightly, falling into a far more sympathetic expression. “Alright, okay, I’ll find him,” she finally said. “But only for you. And for Han. _Not for him.”_

“I wouldn’t ask for anything else.”

 

 

Everything between receiving information (in form of a debrief) from General Organa and taking off had gone by in a blur. Rey had boarded an unknown ship - neither resistance or the _Falcon_ , both would give her away at first sight - and had set course for First Order Airspace.

Emotions of every sort had flooded her entire being. She was excited, yet very apprehensive. Terrified, yet oddly overjoyed.

Just as emotions flooded her being, thoughts attacked her mind. What would she do once she managed to find Kylo Ren? How would she get him to come back with her?

Logically, she thought, the task was impossible.

But, maybe.

Maybe she could do it. Maybe the Force would be helpful in this situation - such as it was her last encounter with the Knight of Ren. Her last encounter… That was when he had offered to be her teacher, wasn’t it?

She scoffed.

That would never happen.

Even with the company of an Astromech Droid, Rey felt oddly lonely in the small ship. It wasn’t quite as small as the X-Wings, but it was nowhere near the size of the _Falcon_ , and such a change in size took time to adjust to. Nonetheless, it felt different. The atmosphere did, at least.

“Arfor, begin launch to hyperdrive.” Even the slight break of the silence made the small ship feel more alive, more comfortable.

R4 whistled in Binary before setting the ship into hyperspace.

Shooting forward, Rey was glad she had strapped herself down, as if she hadn’t, she’d likely have been thrown against the control panel, and smashing into the controls would have thrown her off course, as well as likely injured. She couldn’t possibly fight for her life and bring Kylo back to the general injured.

Once again, she felt strange thinking about the other force user. She equally wanted to find him just to see him again, and avoid finding him in order to not see him again, and it was more than enough struggle for her. Though she knew she had to find him, despite feeling apprehensive and - let’s face it - downright terrified, she knew she _had_ to bring him home.

But he was confusing, and Rey definitely didn’t like to be confused. She had enough confusion because of her parents, thank you very much, and _did not_ want anymore because of some little boy wearing his grandfather’s too-big shoes.

“Wait, stop! Stop!” she shook her head. Spacing out wasn’t something she should be doing. She needed to focus. “He’s close,” her voice came out as barely even a whisper, more like a mere breath of partially formed words. “I can feel him.”  

Kylo Ren had a very distinct presence - one that could never be mistaken. It was a mixture of rage and calm all rolled up into one, like darkness punching the life out of light for entertainment while light just simply stares back in disbelief.

It was where specifically she was sensing him from that was important. Simply knowing he was in the Outer Rim brought her nowhere - the Outer Rim was huge, expansive, and wild, if she tried to find one person in such a place, she’d probably lose herself first.

“Where are you?” she murmured under her breath, eyes resting on the radar on her control panel.

She knew better than to just sit and wait. If she had learned anything from Master Skywalker, it was that she had to trust in the Force, but that was sometimes still difficult for her. It was specifically more difficult when she just _couldn’t_ concentrate.

Only after ten minutes, she turned her head. “Arfor, set course for the West…” she stopped her order. R4 chirped in confusion. “I’m sorry, Arfor, it’s just - he feels so close. It’s as though he’s… Arfor! Set course for the Western Reaches.”

The astromech beeped curiously.

“Jakku. We’re going to Jakku.”

More beeping.

“A trap? _Of course_ it’s a trap.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again !! so this chapter is shorter, but that's because i was in a rush. i wanted to write a chapter today, but also wanted to get to sleep at a reasonable time (impossible, i know, but i tried.) anywAys, get excited, we're so so so close to kylo's introduction !!  
> (also, let me know if, at any point, the characters sound ooc! i really don't want them to sound ooc, and i'm making an effort to not mess them up, despite only watching tfa once so far)   
> ily guys !! :) 
> 
> p.s.   
> please tell me someone picked up on my lowkey easter egg. if you did, flip out in the comments bc jfaligieeioag


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry (belated) christmas ya filthy animals (ily)

Peace is the gentle hum of the control panel in the dead of the night.

It’s a holoshow switching on as result of a too-fast turn, and the soft chatter over the comlink from other passing ships.

Peace is a ship—any ship. It’s home.

Even while in hyperspace, Rey felt comforted by the fact that she was in a ship. She was happy to know she had R4 and happy to be in a ship, despite it not being the  _ Falcon _ .

Even while going back to Jakku, and even while having to see Kylo Ren once more, she felt comforted.

The sound of Binary broke the piercing silence again. “No, R4, I’m not nervous.”

The droid's beeping response made her smile. “No, I’m not excited either… Just  _ apprehensive _ .”

Leaving hyperspace was always an oddly disorienting experience. It was as if all the air left your lungs simultaneously with the thoughts in your head. You were left empty, but strangely excited.

Instead of your heartbeat accelerating, it slowed. It became more even, more at peace. Like the calm  _ in between _ a storm. When you think the worst has been over and it's finally calm once again, but it's really only beginning.

The Western Reaches had always been desolate. Nothing had changed. Practically no one was around in this airspace when Rey was there, and it remained the very same. “It’s so… dry,” she murmured, leaning forward to look out the port window.

She wasn’t sure that she was ready. She didn’t want to go back to Jakku—back to the dryness, the heat, the  _ longing _ . She wasn’t ready to see Kylo, Ben, again. It didn’t seem real. Or safe. Or peaceful. The thought of seeing him again was chaotic. It was a strange stirring in her gut that made her have the in between feeling of wanting to puke and wanting to claw herself out of her skin. Which she would do first, she wasn’t quite sure. 

“You think we should go down now?” Her question was meant for her droid, but in all honesty, she was asking herself.

Should she go down now? 

Rey knew that he was here, there was no doubt in her mind about that, but she wasn't sure  _ why _ he was here. She didn't know why anyone would want to come to Jakku. It wasn’t anything special, hell, it was the  _ garbage dump _ of the galaxy. 

Palms slightly slick from sweat, she pulled the controls in a downward motion. There was no going back now—she had decided. The nose of her ship dipped down, and in sync with it, her stomach fluttered from the drop—as expected as it may have been. 

Something in the hull slid forward, thumping against a metal wall a few feet behind her. That was normal, so she wasn’t surprised. R4 was surprised though. Either the droid had been the sliding object, or it had barely missed the poor thing, as she had heard R4 scream in Binary. 

A small laugh bubbled up, leaving the trace of a smile on her lips. “You alright, R4?” The response were a few quiet, stuttering beeps. “You should have held on, huh?” The droid mimicked her in a sort of peevish, but not quite upset sort of way, and she smirked slightly, holding back another laugh. 

She knew already that she would have to be careful as to where she left the ship. If it was anywhere close to one of the many junkyards, it would be mistaken for such, and taken by some sleazy junker like Unkar Plutt. 

“We’ll have to land a little ways past Kelvin Ridge, R4,” Rey stated. The ship was just above the sand below, only hovering a few feet off the ground. 

There was a check.

“Or…” she began. “Maybe take her low over the shipyard.” Where she used to scavenge, how odd. “I'd be the only one out there this time of day, so it's a good place to land.” 

Instead of a check, the feeling she had was more of a tip of the hat. She was in the right place. 

Her landing was slow and almost silent, only stirring up a small bit of sand. Tucked between an old Imperial Star Destroyer and a broken X-Wing, she stepped from the ship, telling a shaky R4 to stay in the ship. “You can stand guard,” she told the droid in a hushed tone. “You’ll be a better guard than having none at all.” 

She smiled gently, turning away and wrapping her cloak more tightly around her shoulders. Yes, it was hot, but the sun would be setting soon, and the appreciation for her cloak would be far greater. 

Rey had hopes that her speeder would still be where she last left it. Walking on Jakku at night wasn't  _ terrible _ , but it was something she liked to avoid doing anyways. 

Still getting used to the steady ground—and to the sand slipping beneath her feet, Rey moved far slower over the ground, scanning dark crevices and open plains for signs of movement. 

A tug. 

It was a gentle tug in her gut that told her to stop. Her hand brushed over the hilt of her lightsaber on its way to her flask of water. Gripping the flask, she brought it to her lips, taking a long drink of the cool liquid. Her throat feeling far less hot and stinging less. 

An echo. 

Rey moved far quicker than she had before. She had pulled out her saber within seconds, turning around immediately to face an unmasked figure. 

She exhaled. The yellow glow from both sides of her saber bathed her skin golden, almost melting into the violent red of her adversary's saber. 

“Rey,” he was the first to speak. 

His voice, unlike his face, hadn’t changed. She wasn’t sure she liked that. A large scar, contrasting oddly against his pale skin, went from one end of his long face to another. 

She smirked. “Ben,” was her slightly haughty response. 

The male’s eyebrows drew together, and his saber moved quickly out of anger. “Don’t call me that!” he breathed out irritably. The red beam barely missed Rey as she stepped away, her own weapon nicking his side. 

They moved in sync—in some sort of angry dance. She had more training, more experience, but he did as well. She had more self control, a new saber; he was angrier, more resentful. 

“Would you rather I call you Kylo?” She questioned, her face contorting in a slightly pained way upon her arm getting slashed. 

He bit his lip when she countered his attack, blade meeting the flesh on his leg. “Anything but that foolish boy’s name,” he hissed, ducking when he released the tension of their blades meeting. 

“Kylo is a stupid name,” Rey stated, her fingers brushing over the button to close the two sides of her saber. She waited calmly for Kylo to do the same. 

He ignored her remark, powering down the three red beams. “I see you made your own weapon,” was all he said as he tucked his lightsaber into his belt. 

She did the same. “I see you're just as sloppy.” 

Kylo guffawed. “You're no better than I! Did Skywalker teach you nothing?” 

“Funny.” 

Rey had turned away. She was looking once again for the speeder, figuring it better to go back to her old home for the night. R4 would be fine, and she  _ knew _ Kylo would follow. 

“Why are you here?” she asked him, still turned away. 

He had moved to her side, fingers brushing over his new wounds. “I should ask you the same.” 

“You already know why I’m here, Kylo,” she turned her head to look up at him, searching his face for any sign of expression. 

The man scoffed. “Why does it matter?” 

“It doesn't,” Rey stated. Her gaze had finally found the old speeder, and she began to trudge through the sand to it. It was just as easy as it used to be for her to climb onto the large speeder, and she paused only momentarily to glance over at the darkly clothed figure. “Are you just going to stand there all night?” 

She could practically feel him roll his eyes before he began to walk, rather clumsily, over to her. 

In all honesty, she didn’t want him to come to her old home. She would rather have him stay all night in the sand and be buried alive, but she had to keep her promise to bring him home to General Organa. 

As hard as that may be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this doesn't make sense and if there are mistakes, i wrote it out on my phone in the car so. also plEase tell me if they're out of character !! i don't want them to be at all !! anyways, happy new year guys, ily <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unedited and almost nonsensical, sorry. hopefully the feel isn't too different from my chapters i wrote last year, but if either of them seem out of character or the feel is too different, please let me know! it would be extremely helpful

Having the boy’s large form slumped against her back wasn’t at all an enjoyable experience, and it left her incredibly tense and almost unfocused. If it hadn’t have been for her deep roots within the force, Rey was sure she couldn’t have possibly remembered her way back to her old home through the quickly approaching nighttime, despite the familiarity of her old home planet.

With sand and a cool wind whipping against her Jedi robes, the small girl was nearly overwhelmed by memories of her days as a scavenger. Thoughts of finding something of particular value and returning home with more meal packs than she had seen in her entire life. Thoughts of her first nights alone on Jakku, barely able to sleep in the unfamiliar darkness of the dry planet. Thoughts of run-ins with criminals, bounty hunters, and the worst of all the scum in the galaxy.

Thoughts, and thoughts, and thoughts.

BB8’s desperate screams in binary was a memory embedded so deeply within her that the sound seemed to be heard in the present. She remembered pushing her way through the sand, rescuing the droid from Teedo.

A memory of a day that changed her life forever.

Their arrival at her old home came after a ride on a speeder that seemed to last an infinite amount of time.

No, of course, Kylo hadn’t been holding onto her at all through the ride, but even his close proximity, and the knowledge she held of his murderous acts, left her feeling repulsed and violated. Remembering the thoughts of him which had been plaguing her for months did nothing to ease the uncomfortable feelings rising in her gut like bile.

“You’ll probably want to treat those wounds, you know,” she spoke, breaking their silence as she clambered off of the speeder, Kylo’s dark form mimicking her movements.

He scowled, and although it was beginning to grow dark, Rey could feel his scowl in the air. The presence it held was, like he himself, overwhelming. “You mean the wounds _you_ inflicted,” his voice came out as accusatory and hostile, and if the Jedi hadn’t felt such a deep hatred for him, she might have been offended or hurt by the tone he directed at her.

“One could say that,” she quipped, unwrapping the cloth from her face to allow herself a breath of air, “but nonetheless, even a Sith such as yourself couldn’t possibly enjoy the feeling of sand in fresh saber wound.”

As she spoke, Kylo seemed to grow less tense, but both of the young force-users remained on edge in the presence of one another. “I could say the same to you, then,” was all the boy said, retreating from her slightly as she snatched a bundle from the speeder. “You’re not the only one that managed to get in a few strikes during our fight.”

“I’d get more in now if I wasn’t attempting to be civil.” The girl began to walk toward the small entrance of her old home, balancing a bundle on her back and keeping her mind trained on the saber resting on her waist. She couldn’t let herself grow comfortable around this boy, even if she was intrigued by him. She hated him, anyways, though she knew hate was not of the light side.

Rey ducked into the entrance, glancing back at the hesitant form of Kylo, who still waited beside the speeder. “I assumed since you followed me all the way here, you would at least come inside,” her remark was laced with irritation as a dim light began to glow softly in the deserted dwelling. “But, of course, I won’t be the one to complain if you decided to let yourself get buried in the sand overnight.”

“For civil,” his darkly robed form finally moved forward, ducking lowly to enter where she had, “you seem awfully hostile.”

If Rey could say she was _intrigued_ by Kylo, he could say he was _obsessed_ with her. From the moment of his first encounter with her on Takodana, he grew more and more perplexed by her unique force signature. He was confused by the amount of pure power and light she held within herself without her even knowing, confused by the immediate connection within the force which drew him to her, and confused by the sheer control she held over his thoughts.

_Compassion._

_Oh,_ he had begun to _loathe_ the word.

Kylo knew that out of all of the feelings within the galaxy he felt, _compassion_ was beginning to be the one that drove him more than any other. He knew it, Snoke knew, and he was beginning to think Luke Skywalker knew it, too. Ever since the moment he spared Rey on Takodana, his training in the dark side of the force was no longer driven simply by feelings of betrayal and hatred, but also by compassion.

Yes, he had reminded himself constantly, compassion is what drove his grandfather to power within the dark side, but even his grandfather had said compassion was vital to a _Jedi’s_ life, that it was ‘unconditional love,’ which was a thing Kylo told himself he could no longer comprehend.

 _“Hostility,”_ a soft, irritable voice broke his thoughts as he entered the dusty accommodations, “seems to be present in the both of us, so don’t go trying to act all innocent. It will make you more than a murderer, but also a hypocrite.”

A dark, brooding look crossed the boy’s features, but he said nothing, simply looking away from the girl. He was honestly glad to be near her again; it was the one thing his body seemed to be aching for through his intense training in the months that had passed since their fight on the Starkiller Base.

His gaze fled from her as she settled onto a bed across the room from him, instead slowly settling on the various objects within the small home. Or, what used to be a home.

Everything was bathed in a dim yellow glow in the middle of the room, from what, Kylo assumed, was an artificial lamp of some sort. Various objects were strewn about, many of which any person would have automatically assumed to be junk.

Broken pieces of metal, faded articles of clothing, dirty chunks of what used to be jewelry, and objects that used to belong to pilots in the Rebellion, nearly thirty years ago. A helmet rested in the corner of the room, settled loosely on a chair beside a doll that almost resembled a young Skywalker, in his glory days of the Rebellion.

A small smile cracked his dark expression as his eyes landed on the doll, which reminded him that these objects were Rey’s possessions many months ago--that this place was her home not too far in the past.

Rey was also reminded of this as she edged slightly further from Kylo, growing more and more uncomfortable as his gaze took in the room.

This place was a part of her past. It was a place which had been her refuge for her entire life. It was her childhood, her memories, her vulnerability, and here was one of the people she loathed the most in the galaxy, in her place of refuge and solitude, taking in her vulnerability and childhood innocence as if it was his right.

“Could you stop looking at my things?” She questioned. It had meant to come out as harsh, but instead, it was soft, as vulnerable she felt. Any attempt to recover from such softness could be disregarded as weakness, which she wasn’t ready to admit to having around this man--this boy.

This boy whom she could barely stand to look at, for fear that she may feel guilty for the scar she inflicted upon him. She was sure that any feeling of smugness and triumphant arrogance would be thrown aside if she saw the gruesome scar which disfigured his skin, instead being replaced by a deep-seated guilt.

But her eyes couldn’t look away from him when his gaze landed on her form again; they were transfixed.

“Would you rather I look at _you_ instead?” his voice was dry, as though he hadn’t had water in ages and as though he wasn’t sure how to express vulnerability in return.

“No.”

Rey arose from the bed, slowly approaching the dark haired boy. “Like I said earlier, you should probably treat those wounds,” her eyes fell from his face to the tears in his robes. She began to close herself off again, trying to suppress the guilt she felt.

This must be, she assumed, something all Jedi feel. Guilt is something the light side must establish within them to keep them from growing arrogant.

Refraining from touching his arms, she brushed past him, feeling a mixture of odd feelings. She searched a cabinet behind him for only a moment before returning to the place in front of him with an old medkit. “You can treat yourself, can you not?”

His dark eyes fluttered from the medkit to Rey and back as he nodded slowly, nearly forcing himself to glower.

“I’m only making you treat your wounds because it’s what General Organa would ask of me,” she added as she stepped away, slipping back onto the bed frame opposite the room from Kylo. “Not because I care about you.”

She felt an odd tug in her gut; the feeling she got when she knew someone was lying, but the only one that had spoken was she. She wasn’t lying, she reminded herself. She didn’t care for Kylo, only for Leia. She hated Kylo.

The boy hid the small smile on his lips as he opened the medkit, familiarity washing over him.

Rey cared. As little as the caring may be, she still did care.

They both knew it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas! feel free to leave some kudos and comments and critiques, if you wish


End file.
